Abandonment: How To Get Over It
Still on the topic of The 5 Soul Wounds and How to Heal Them, this time let’s uncover abandonment: what this soul wound is, how it plays out in our relationships and how to change this dynamic so one experiences true connection instead.
Abandonment: What It Is and How It Affects One
Abandonment is the soul wound inflicted when our physical, psychological and emotional needs are not being care-taken, and there is no resolve to our distress.
When we are children, beyond our physical needs such as shelter and food being met, we also need emotional warmth and nourishment. We need to know that we are safe expressing our distress. It’s been long practiced in society that we got punished for suffering instead of being led to resolution when we felt emotional pain. Being shunned to the corner, coldness, the silent treatment, being ignored or condemned when we experience emotional pain—these are forms of emotional abandonment that inflict this wound upon our soul.
If this wound is unhealed, when we become adults, it conditions our thoughts, emotions, behavior and relationships. We experience a deep, indefinable sadness, with more severe forms such as depression. Also, fear of loneliness, that can keep us in relationships where we endure pain because we would rather have that than be alone. Or relationships where we build invisible (or visible) walls and barriers against true intimacy, for fear of being again abandoned if we let down our guard. And, self-abandonment: giving up on oneself to please others so we can be loved.
The unhealed soul wound of abandonment can also be the metaphysical cause of different types of physical diseases. One may subconsciously develop a disease at the physical level due to this unhealed wound in order to attract full attention and be cared for.
How To Heal the Abandonment Wound
Healing the abandonment wound, just like all the other soul wounds, requires first our willingness to do this. I’ve outlined a few steps that can lead one to healing—I hope they will be helpful to you.
Here are 3 steps to heal this wound, on the inner level:
1. Pay attention to your inner dialogue. When this wound starts making itself known to our conscious mind, we may often engage in dialogue such as “People always leave”, “I’m unlovable and I’ll always be alone”, “I don’t deserve to be loved and cared for”, etc. Start questioning these thoughts – are they truly true? Reflecting on your experiences and finding tangible proof that they aren’t true can lead to a profound change in the way you think about the people and situations that trigger this wound in you.
2. Learn to be by yourself and self-soothe. Fully acknowledge your suffering without denying or minimizing it, and don’t abandon yourself through it. Often times, when we experience this wounding, we cannot be by our side and soothe ourselves through our emotional pain. And if we learn to do this, we change the interaction with ourselves, which will change the interactions we have with others.
3. Forgive yourself, forgive the people with whom the situation was created, and forgive the situation altogether, when you are ready to let it all go. This way you give yourself the gift of Freedom.
On the outer level, here are 3 steps that can help you heal this wound:
1. Make a promise to yourself to finish what you start and stick to it. If this wound is very present in our lives, we may abandon projects we care about (this is another form of self-abandonment). Finishing what you start once you made the clear decision to complete the project will help you move past self-abandonment.
2. If you are unable to process your emotional pain with the people who are close to you, seek out a therapist that can help you do that. Asking for help isn’t shameful, it’s a sign of strength.
3. Seek out experiences that will make you feel connected socially, for example volunteering for a cause you believe in. Isolation causes us a lot of pain, which is why solitary confinement is one of the most painful experiences one can withstand. When we contribute to society and we feel connection, we are in our natural state of happiness.
More Resources To Help You Heal
If you want to dive deeper into the psyche and heal the abandonment wound, I welcome you on the Cleansing with the Elements Journey. It’s a meditation series I created for my inner healing, and I’m sure you’d benefit from the assistance of the elements of Water, Air, Fire and Earth to help you release your troubles and restore your peace of mind when you need it. Get access to it when you sign up to my weekly newsletter.
And, if you are a poetry lover and you know the healing power of Art, I welcome you to consider the lyrical journey of my book Embraced by Love. It takes one from trauma to healing and love through 111 poems, and it’s like ointment for the Soul.