Alma Lewtom

Rejection: How To Deal With It

Next on the topic of The 5 Soul Wounds and How to Heal Them, this time let’s assess the wound of rejection. Let’s uncover in this article what rejection is, how it affects our psyche, and how to deal with it:

 

Rejection: What It Is and How It Affects Us

Rejection is the soul wound linked to the energy of exile: it appears when one is ostracized or excluded by an individual or a group. Some examples of experiences that inflict such wounding are: estrangement from family members, getting disinherited, banishment from a social group, being laid off without tact, etc.

The pain of rejection is registered in the body much like the pain of physical injury. Several studies prove that the same regions of the brain are activated when we experience physical pain and when we get rejected. The reason for this is evolutionary: since ancient times, our survival depended on our bond to our tribe. Exile meant very low chances of survival; it equated to a death sentence.

Psychologically, the experience of rejection causes low self-esteem and poor self-image. It makes us question our value, and even see ourselves as undesirable, unworthy, and undeserving. Emotionally, it evokes feelings of anger, anxiety, depression, guilt, shame, and sadness. This can also affect our sleep quality, immune system and consequently physical health. Our met needs for belonging and acceptance, and strong social connections are closely linked to our well-being, both physically and psychologically.

 

How To Deal With Rejection

Rejection is definitely painful, and not always easy to handle, depending on the intensity and the complexity of the experience. I’ve outlined a few steps helpful for healing this psychological injury, and I hope they will serve you.

Here are 3 steps to heal the rejection wound, on the inner level:

1. Pay attention to your inner dialogue. When this wound starts making itself known to our conscious mind, we may often engage in dialogue such as “I don’t deserve to be loved and cared for”, “I’m unlovable”, “I’ll never be good enough” etc. The most important opinion about yourself is your own. There is a story about Meryl Streep that I love when I think about rejection and how to deal with it. After being turned down for a part for being too “ugly”, she replied “I’m sorry you think I’m too ugly for your film but you’re just one opinion in a sea of thousands and I’m off to find a kinder tide.” That’s inner power.

2. Learn to self-soothe your emotional pain. Fully acknowledge your suffering without denying or minimizing it. Accept all wounded parts of yourself and integrate them into your being, instead of rejecting them.

3. Forgive yourself, forgive the people with whom the situation was created, and forgive the situation altogether, when you are ready to let it all go. This way you give yourself the gift of Freedom.

On the outer level, here are 3 steps that can help you heal this wound:

1. Restore your sense of belonging by adhering to a group that is respectful of you as an individual. Find ways to form healthy connections where you are valued for who you are. This can mean joining a book club, or volunteering, etc.

2. If you are unable to process your emotional pain with the people who are close to you, seek out a therapist that can help you do that. Asking for help isn’t shameful, it’s a sign of strength.

3. Seek out experiences that boost your sense of worth. Invest in yourself through any form of self-care. For example, take care of your mind and heart through Art. Show yourself you are willing to love and accept yourself.

 

More Resources To Help You Heal

If you want to dive deeper into the psyche and heal the rejection wound, I welcome you on the Cleansing with the Elements Journey. It’s a meditation series I created for my inner healing, and I’m sure you’d benefit from the assistance of the elements of Water, Air, Fire and Earth to help you release your troubles and restore your peace of mind when you need it. Get access to it when you sign up to my weekly newsletter.

And, if you are a poetry lover and you know the healing power of Art, I welcome you to consider the lyrical journey of my book Embraced by Love. It takes one from trauma to healing and love through 111 poems, and it’s like ointment for the Soul.

With Love,

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