Alma Lewtom

Inner Child Healing (III): Creating Repair After Rupture in Relationships

Welcome to the third and final part of The Inner Child Healing Journey! In the first parts of the journey, we explored the importance of conflict resolution and taking care of difficult emotions.

Today, we look at how to create repair once a rupture has occurred in a relationship.

Let’s begin:


The Importance of Relationship Repair

The safest and strongest relationships we can hope for are the ones where we able to repair if a rupture ever occurs. It can happen that conflicts arise within the relationship—they can stem from misunderstandings, differing opinions, or unmet needs. It is how we handle and resolve conflicts that matters the most. We are human and we are prone to making mistakes—that’s usually how we learn. Being able to repair after rupture and resolve the conflict with a win-win approach ensures that the relationship grows stronger.

When a rupture occurs in a relationship, it may leave us hurt, angry, and disconnected from the people we care about. This is one of the most painful experiences for us humans, who are biologically encoded to belong to a community for survival. It’s essential to learn to take care of our difficult emotions prior to conflict resolution and creating repair. When we come from a space of empathy, respect, and a genuine desire to find a solution that benefits everyone involved, we can find common ground even in the midst of disagreements. This contributes to creating safe and trusting relationships, which are so important to our overall health and well-being.


How To Create Relationship Repair After Rupture

Creating conscious repair after rupture is one of the most important skills in life, from my perspective. Here are some steps to guide you through this process:

Reflect: Take the time to go within and reflect on the situation and your own emotions. Understanding your needs and feelings will help you approach the conversation with clarity and empathy.

• Meditate: Take the time to go within and re-stabilize yourself emotionally. If we come from a place of hurt and anger, we may rupture the relationship even more. True repair is created when we let go of resentment, and we come in peace and willingness to resolve the issue at hand. While in meditation, set the intention to forgive. Forgiveness will set you free and it will open the door to reconciliation and the possibility of rebuilding trust.

• Communicate: Once you feel you have returned to inner peace, initiate an open and honest conversation with the other person. Express your feelings, listen actively, and strive to understand their perspective. It’s helpful to avoid blame and defensiveness, focusing instead on finding common ground.

• Apologize: If you have contributed to the rupture, take responsibility for your actions and offer a sincere apology. Acknowledge the impact of your behavior and express your commitment to do things differently in the future.

• Rebuild Trust: Rebuilding trust takes time and consistency. Be patient and demonstrate through your actions that you are committed to repairing the relationship. Trust is built gradually, one step at a time.

• Seek Professional Help: In some cases, seeking the guidance of a professional mediator or therapist can be beneficial. They can provide a neutral space for communication and offer tools and strategies for conflict resolution.

Repairing a ruptured relationship takes time, effort, and commitment from both parties involved. Once we do learn how to resolve conflicts in a healthy manner, and repair if a rupture occurs, the relationship and our trust in it will grow stronger.

As final remarks on how to create repair, I’d like to mention that relationships are a two-way street—they involve mutual and reciprocal action. If you find yourself wanting to create repair, yet not succeeding because the other party is not willing or able to do so, and the relationship is constantly creating stress and emotional upset for you, the best way I’ve found to deal with this is learning to set healthy boundaries that protect your well-being.


Healing Your Inner Child

On the basis of our discussion above, let’s now apply this wisdom to heal our inner child. If you have your photo of you as a child, hold it while you reconnect with him/her.

Ask, have you experienced relationship rupture in your childhood? Have you been taught how to repair once it did? Have you witnessed healthy dynamics that showed you how to resolve conflicts and repair if a rupture occurred in the midst of a disagreement?

Sit in silence for a few moments and listen to the child within you. Let her express all there is to express. And then take a piece of paper and write it all down. When you know what would help your inner child get a sense of resolution, you may consider taking action to do so if it’s appropriate. For example, you may speak aloud to her. Re-assure her that her adult self is now with her always, and that you will protect her. That you will learn how to relate in such a way that she does not have to experience such hurt due to relationship ruptures. That even if a rupture occurs, you will now know how to handle it.

It may be necessary to repeat this course of action if there are more things to resolve from your childhood. Let your intuition guide you ♡


Learning about Repair through The Book

In my illustrated children’s book After the Storm Comes the Sun, I explore the theme of repair after rupture in a way that is accessible and relatable for young readers. Through the story, children learn about conflict resolution, how to take care of difficult emotions, the power of forgiveness, and the possibility of repairing after rupture.

By teaching children these valuable skills early on, we equip them with the tools they need to navigate and repair relationships throughout their lives. They learn that conflicts are not the end of a relationship but an opportunity for growth and deeper connection. It is my sincere hope that After The Storm Comes The Sun serves as a valuable resource for all parents and educators who wish to teach these life lessons.


Thank you for joining me in The Inner Child Healing Journey! I hope this has been of value to you! If you’ve enjoyed it, I’d love to know: leave me a comment below ♡


P.S. The Inner Child Healing Journey articles are for entertainment purposes only. They’re not meant to diagnose or treat any mental health condition. If you are experiencing mental health symptoms, please contact a mental health provider in your community. Much Love ♡


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Alma Lewtom